Don't kill me for saying this but ...

sometimes I find myself wondering if/when we should have another child.

When this topic arises, those of you who know me immediately sputter and gasp and say, "Whaaaattt? Are you crazy?!! Don't you complain constantly about how crazy things are? Aren't you just NOW starting to claw your way back from the edge of insanity?? Haven't you been reading your own blog?!"

And that's all true.

But still. Mother Nature is tricky and foxy and sneaky and smart.

She makes it possible for you to forget (or at least fuzz-ify) the terrible discomfort of pregnancy and the most traumatic and horribly painful event of your life (giving birth).

She keeps you so busy and sleep-deprived that you can't lay down proper memories of newborn life or even toddler days. You have a dim memory of screaming but can't remember if it was you or the baby (or both).

She gives you unrealistic hope with the law of averages (e.g. you can't have three 9-10 lb babies, right? The next one would have to be smaller! And you couldn't have TWO colicky babies, right? Right?!).

And worst of all, she gives you the smell of a newborn's head. The feeling of a warm little body curled up so tight that they can't even stretch out properly for the first few weeks. A miniature ear so new and thin that it still seems wet. The first laugh. The first time they squeal, "Mama!" and run to you with open arms, even though you've only been out of the room for two minutes.

Mother Nature plays dirty.

Luckily, she also implements her own crude form of birth control. When you have too many kids, she keeps you so crazy busy that you hardly have time to eat, let alone go away for a romantic weekend.

But then when things get even slightly manageable (which they finally have the past few weeks!), you slowly start to find yourself noticing little babies at the mall or looking at old baby pictures or lingering a bit too long over a swaddle blanket as you pack it away.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not planting any seeds (I'm actually still carpet-bombing the garden so that it will be hostile to life for years to come). There are some memories burned in so deep that even the soothing amnesia of motherhood can't erase the scars.

I'm just saying, I'm starting to see the day when holding another baby in my arms, when seeing Mela be the little Mommy and Nathan be the proud big brother, when meeting another member of our family ....

well, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

After all, isn't three the new two?