Some people like the rollar coaster ... it's making me sick!

After I wrote that last post, a decent house came on the market.

We booked an appointment to see it. It had everything we were looking for but it was on ...

the same busy street. As the last house we tried to buy.

I didn't sleep all night (again). I tossed and turned, trying to weigh our children's perceived safety against living in someone else's house an indeterminable amount of time waiting for the "perfect" place.

And slowly going crazy ...

The hour finally came when I got to get in the car and go see the house.

It wasn't the one. The kitchen was non-existent and the bedroom ceiling barely came up to my knees in some places.

I was exhausted and very, very disappointed.

And I missed my home very, very much. I tried to make my mom's special carob pudding that night (needed a taste of childhood) and it wouldn't work. I tried three times and three times, it still wouldn't work.

Sometimes you really need something to happen, and it just doesn't work out.

The next day, the roller coaster went up again. A house that we'd heard about but weren't in love with came back on the scene at a ridiculously low price. We set an appointment and started agonizing again. It had what we were looking for in terms of location and was big but not enough bedrooms for future visitors and (hypothetical) future babies.

The day of the appointment, I tried not to get excited. Really, I did! I tried to concentrate on the details of my day, like repeatedly feeding children who hate eating and convincing babbling babies that they really do need to sleep sometimes.

We got there as the sun was going down. We took our cheque book, since the new price was such a steal.

We walked in the door and it was like something out of a movie: cats the size of raccoons (apparently, they're actually called "coon cats"!), nauseating litter, piles of paper and clothes all over the floors, and empty tins of food scattered around the dirty kitchen.

We could see beyond the scary, though, and there was real potential. For a few brief moments, I could see it.

I could see the kids playing tag in the yard while I hung the clothes on the line. I scouted where we would plant our vegetables. I saw the corner where I would put a reading chair and the window that would show the setting sun.

But on the drive home, I realized I can't give up a decent guest room (or at least the space to build one). The one thing I swore after our wrenching goodbye is that we would buy a home that my parents could feel comfortable in.

So, for that and other reasons, we decided it wasn't the one, either.

So at the end of the week, we're still in the same place (literally).

And now, in retaliation for all the drama, my body was officially rebelling. For the third weekend in a row, I was sick. Bedridden yesterday with the full range of symptoms (piercing headache, stabbing sore throat, full-blown stomach upset ... I'll stop there).

Logically, I know that I can't be succumbing to the same bug over and over again, but it feels like we're just constantly reinfecting ourselves in a vicious cycle.

And because I'm sick/exhausted, I have no patience with the kids, especially Mela, who has been crying at everything. And then today I finally understood that all the meltdowns were because she, too, is sick again.

What kind of monster yells at a sick kid??

We tried to go out this morning and do some fun, big-city thing that people like the Gugels always seem to manage but it started raining and we made it to 1) the downtown that was closed for the Run for the Cure, 2) a mall that didn't open for hours, and 2) a MacDonald's bathroom (so, soooo sick).

Finally, we stopped at Aunt and Uncle's to pet some cats and then call it a day.

I hope your weekend was better.

On a positive note, though, I am trying to be more grateful. So here is my list of things for today:

1. I am not trying to get a wailing newborn to sleep right now (I am still grateful for this every day).
   
   
2. When I go to sleep tonight, I get to sleep all night long without having to wake up to feed a baby every two hours (people don't realize how precious this is).
   
   
3. I have a husband who tries hard every day and never complains and never yells at me.
   
   
4. Nathan is learning to talk!!! He can say, like, 15 words all of a sudden! We weren't really even paying attention and now all of a sudden, he can say Mama, Dada, Parker (the cat), bottle, ball, up, down, apple, bonk (he bonks your head instead of kissing goodnight), bath, cracker, snack, etc! I tried to teach him a sign for something the other day and he just said the word instead! After the painstaking wait for Mela, watching this happen feels like a miracle.
   
   
5. I got a lot done today. All the kids clothes are clean and neatly folded in their drawers. This too, feels like a miracle.
   
   
6. I had a yummy dinner. Hopefully, it will stay with me for a decent amount of time.
   
   
7. Chris and I had a shocking moment during dinner when we sat and chatted while the kids played together in the family room. They played TOGETHER! I've noticed lately that they're actually starting to interact with each other now (had a roar-off today at lunch) and this means when we don't constantly have to entertain them. For about 10 minutes, we actually got to have adult conversation. This is when having them close together starts paying off, baby!!
   
   
8. At bedtime I gave Nathan a bath and then read him a book in bed. His hair was damp and he was wearing soft cotton jamjams and smelled clean and warm and just like a baby. I tickled him until he choked and then I kissed his neck and forehead and nose. I laid him in his bed and covered him in the blanked I crocheted while waiting for his labour to start and he pretended to hide and then peek out. I gave him his teddy bear and he rolled over and closed his eyes and sighed

That's what I'm grateful for today. And that's a lot.

Say click:

Who's that super model??
Please, no pictures, no pictures!
Okay, maybe one or two ...
Whoa, that's some good bedhead:
Good 'ole Halifax, where "cat burglers" make the front page:
Not all bad, though ... Mela checks out a new playground:
After a hard day, Mela listens to Grandma read her a story:
Only having four teeth doesn't stop Nathan from eating apples:
How can I get into trouble (e.g. climb up on this chair) if you're always watching me?!
Look into my eyes and fall in love:
Mela shows some photos to Nate. For one of them, she said, "Mela and Grandma walking park." She wasn't much more than his age when the photo was taken ... amazing how "old" she is now.
It's 6:43 am and Nathan's wearing a lei. Let the party begin!