Nurturing little sprouts and building gingerbread

It's easy to pigeon-hole your kids. I always try not to but it's human nature to take short-cuts. It's fast and easy to paint a thumbnail sketch of a person, especially if you don't really know them yet.

When a personality is still emerging, the hard part is to wait to see what's revealed instead of filling in the blanks yourself.

Take Nate. He has a short fuse. (This is a fact.) He can be pretty cranky sometimes, mostly because he's tired/hungry/getting teeth/wearing pants.

He's also prone to making his sister's life miserable, by constantly grabbing her toys, going for her food and generally getting in her business. This is pretty common lil bro stuff, the problem is more that she doesn't fight back (i.e. he needs to learn a lesson).

He's also pretty independent and funny and social (e.g. is happy to work a crowd full of strangers). So it's easy to see him as a born-again version of his grandfather, looks and all.

But I'm starting to notice that he's pretty sensitive, in his own way.

We went to a little Christmas party this weekend for some socializing and gingerbread-house-decorating (i.e. stuff your face with unlimited treats). At one point, Nate started to sit in a little chair another boy wanted. The boy started to wail and Nate burst into tears.

So we had two little boys crying, one because he wanted the chair and the other because he doesn't like to see someone cry.

It surprised me that he was so upset.

And then this morning, we were just playing "doctor" (usually consists of just Nate stomping around wearing a stethoscope) and he pretended to give me a "shot." Being the hilarious comedienne that I am, I said, "Ouch!" He looked at me for a split second, then the lip turned down, trembled and he burst into tears.

Nice one, mama.

It's exactly what Mela would've done at that age but because of his different personality, I don't usually see his caring side (he's too busy punching me in the throat because he doesn't want his diaper changed).

Raising kids is a challenge (have I mentioned?). Raising each of them differently, according to their unique needs, seems almost impossible. You need to use generalizations, and the contrasts will be the most noticeable. Mela will always seem more reserved because of her social brother and Nate will seem less sensitive because he's prone to fits of rage.

The trick is to look at your kids without the distorting light of the other. To patiently encourage their actualization without presuming their destiny.

And then you also try to take into account the cultural challenges of raising each gender. There are lots of books about raising a boy and I am vaguely aware that it's something I want to really think about (when I'm not busy moving our family across the country).

Mainly, how to find the middle ground between recognizing and encouraging sensitivity but also having a kid who can hold his own with his peers? How to raise a good man when you grew up with a lot of girls and have still never really figured out how guys work?

It's all pretty beside the point these days, though. I care little about the nuances of parenting and am mostly just trying to get through the days. This week, I had two post-shot, stomach bug cranky kids, a comprised immune system (sinus infection + H1N1 vaccine > antibiotics) and a new house to prepare.

Spanking seems imminent, mostly because I am out of coping juice.

But someday I'll care. Someday I'll be the parent I thought I would be and think I should be. Either that or I'll get a full time job and go back to feeling smart and successful again.

And be able to go to the bathroom without a toddler trying to flush the toilet the whole time.

Say Click:

Getting ready for the Xmas party, Mela poses for the photo shoot:
Gorgeous!
This guy is ready to go clubbing:
At the party, the "kids" start making gingerbread houses:
The engineers go to work:Cohen takes a shortcut to the icing:
Mela supervises the competition:
Finished houses:
Mel takes on even more kids:
Nate skips all the work and just eats the gingerbread cookies. While lying on the floor.
Back in the car: "That was a good party, Mama!"