A Birthday Miracle

There are very few moments in your life when you go from heart crushing misery and despair to pure relief and happiness.

I had one of those moments this morning.

To recap the day care situation, Friday was not good for Mela. She was sobbing when I left her and apparently was inconsolable all morning.

Since she hadn't really slept all week, she was completely sleep deprived by this point, which I think was a huge factor but the bottom line was that 1) the image of her crying as I walked away was heartbreaking, and 2) they couldn't get her to calm down even after I left. Apparently they took her out to the playground (she cried), they tried to get her to eat lunch (she cried), they tried to get her to play (she cried and kept going to the door to try and "find her mom"), etc.

By lunchtime, they asked me to come get her. She was so tired when I got there that when I picked her up, she started almost immediately to nod off in my arms.

Our weekend was good (she eventually got caught up on her sleep) but she was definitely more clingy. I started calling her my "day care baby" because she would cry and whine whenever I left the room (e.g. tried to go to the bathroom!). We had some good laughs, though, which in some ways made it harder, because I kept thinking how sad it was that she had to return to the misery on Monday.

A good friend told me, by the way, that it takes about three weeks for a kid to adjust to day care, which made me feel depressed that she would just be getting used to the new situation in time to pull her out. I've also been thinking a lot about whether or not she would be going through this at another day care (and whether I should be trying to get her into another one, even though it would only be for four weeks and she'd have to start over in terms of getting to know the workers!). I just felt so helpless, without any way to make the situation better for her.

This morning, Chris went with me for the drop off (moral support!) and as soon as we set her down at the little table to eat breakfast (and I walked away to fill in her chart), she started crying and trying to get to me. People kept restraining her and I tried to just go about my business and pretend that I wasn't crying. When it came time to leave, I kissed her cheek and turned to walk out. She was crying and tried to run after us but she was wearing a pair of new little shoes that I'd bought her on the weekend and she kept tripping and falling down. I swear, I think it actually broke my heart.

Yes, I know this is what almost all kids go through when they start day care. Yes, it's normal. Yes, I'm probably making it more dramatic than it is. All I know is that I spent the last year of my life dedicated to her happiness and our bond and now I'm doing something that (feels like it) goes 100% against that goal.

Well, it looks like this may no longer be an issue. A miracle happened today and it looks like we're going to have an alternate care arrangement. One of the best arrangements I could possibly imagine (other than Chris or myself being home - maybe even better!). An arrangement so wonderful, that when I found out, it made me burst into tears out of sheer relief and happiness.

There are some details to be worked out but for now, let's say that this is the best birthday present I've ever received.