Can I quit this club?

Sometimes when I mention Nathan's hard times, people say, "Oh, is he colicky?"

What's the right answer to that question?

Maybe if colic was something you could diagnose and not such a catch-all term, you could definitively say yes or no. There is the standard definition you always hear (crying three hours a day, three days a week, for at least three weeks in a month). But does it have to be exactly three hours straight or does intermittent crying over several hours count, too? If it's only two hours of straight crying a day, does that mean your baby is normal?

I tend to trust wikipedia for things like this, and their description is when "an otherwise healthy baby cries or screams frequently and for extended periods without any discernible reason."

I think that's a good definition and that was baby Nathan last night. He was full and reasonably rested but just wouldn't stop screaming. Not even for me, which has never really happened before. He started fussing around 4 pm and by 5:30, I was frantic. Forget three hours of straight crying, even 10 minutes is nerve-shattering. Chris was on his way home and I still considered calling a neighbour for help.

I've decided it's like a smoke detector going off: you can't think, you can't breath, you can't do anything over than try to make it stop.

And poor Mela. She never asked for any of this and there she is, begging to be picked up ("Uh! Uh! Uh!") because she's stressed out by all the crying but I can't hold her and the thrashing baby at the same time. Forget us, what does listening to all that do to her stress hormones? Is she being traumatized or what? Maybe that's why she's crying so much at night now.

And yet you get people who would begrudge giving you the honour of using the label "colic" because they once knew a friend whose baby cried for six hours a day for a month straight. It's like you have to go to some parenting judge and prove that your baby's suffering is extreme enough before you have the right to join the exclusive "Colic Club."

Personally, that's a club I don't want to join. To avoid all the politics, I tend to use the term "fussy" instead but really don't like the way it makes Nathan sound picky. It's not an attitude or preference when it involves physical suffering.

Granted, I'm sure lots of people say that their perfectly normal babies are colicky because they cry a bit so these people are just trying to defend the true sufferers but really. It's such a poorly understood thing that I think sometimes it's just a synonym for "I feel like my baby won't stop crying and there's nothing I can do about it."

My new personal definition of colic is sitting alone on the basement stairs, sobbing because my baby is suffering and I can't take it any more.

And when that's the case, parents deserve all the support they can get, regardless of definitions.

p.s. In other news, got the double stroller of my absolute DREAMS yesterday! I've been watching Craigslist every day for almost a year and nabbed it last night for a total steal. It's like Christmas morning here today. Can't wait to take the crew out in the luxurious Cadillac today.