Goodnight moon

As I've mentioned, Nate's started having a bit more trouble falling asleep at night lately.

He goes into bed fine but then a little while later, starts to cry and call out, "Mommy! Mommy!"

I try to be tough but he's so good about sleeping most of the time that it's almost always legit when he cries.

Tonight I was a little fed up, though. We read the fire truck book and the digger truck book and the "Go Dogs Go" and the "Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear?" and everything was fine but then about 10 minutes after I put him to bed, it was the same, "Mommy! Mommy!"

So I go in to check on him, and as usual, he says, "scared. scared."

(The first time he said that, it broke my heart a little bit, to see his cute little boy face peering up worriedly and I sat in the chair in his room until he fell asleep (just like "Goodnight Moon" since all my parenting is learned from children's books)).

But tonight I was tired and starting to suspect that maybe he was playing me. Maybe the nana-papa-leaving thing has worn off and now he's just saying it because he's learned it will keep me there. Maybe I had to be firm and retrain or else I'd be sitting in that hard glider rocking my life away for years to come.

This is where I waver and I worry. How do you know? How can you tell? Too firm? Not supportive enough? And if you waffle between them, you're inconsistent, the worst parenting crime of all.

Luckily I have a 21 month old who can talk. Who as of this weekend, now says amazing things like "Don't want to!" and "noggin!" and "googly eyes!"

And when I went into his room, looked up at me with giant eyes and said ...

"scared. walrus. scared, mama."

Yes, there is a somewhat scary (in retrospect) walrus in "Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear?" And apparently nighttime fears can start to appear around this age, especially if there is daytime stress, such as separation from a parent (helloo?!).

And so I explained that the animal in the book was actually friendly (and Nate laughed in relief) and I sat in the chair and I listened to the lullaby CD for the ten millionth time while my baby stared at the ceiling and slowly fell asleep.

Just another example of trying to find the balance between an approach that promotes toughness and firm limits (often with great success lately!) but also values attachment and empathy. Quote: "[Kids] need a helper who is sensitive to their developmental stage and individual temperament."

If only they came with a manual ...