An Open Letter to My Body

"There can be nothing happy for the person over whom some fear always looms"
Sword of Damocles

An Open Letter to My Body:

Dear body,

We need to talk. Over the years, we've gotten along fairly well (other than some childhood allergies, the odd rash and all the "why-do-you-love-to-gain-weight?" discussions).

It's come to my attention recently, though, that you're holding back. You have information that I need. Crucial information. Information that is VERY VERY important to my life. And you're not telling.

From what I've read, nobody knows what actually triggers labour but there are some chemical messages that get passed around in advance that cause the body to start to prepare by doing weird things like randomly contracting the uterus at all hours of the day and night (thanks for that, by the way).

The thing is, if you're having this little chemical chat with the little tadpole, don't you think you could let me in on it? I'm not asking for the time of day or anything but just a rough ballpark of when actual labour will start. Like, will it be tonight or FOUR WEEKS FROM NOW???

It's really throwing me off, the way that one day you seem to indicate that things are imminent (like all that cramping and nausea yesterday) and then the next day, act like things are totally fine.

I know I haven't always treated you that well (too lazy to moisturize, not as much exercise as you probably need) but really, I think it's the least you could do. It would help a lot. If there's anything I can do in return (other than eating liver), please let me know.

Sincerely,
Me

p.s. By the way, while we're on the topic, I'd be fine with a short labour. Like 4-6 hours. Oh, and I've heard that you're supposed to produce natural pain killers ("endorphins") during labour. What happened last time?? Can you please try to get those going?