The Scoop on Poop

It's amazing how much you think about poop when you're a parent.

It all begins when they're a newborn. You're told to diligently track the number of "wet and soiled" diapers and, for some, this can become a fanatical bookkeeping exercise worthy of spreadsheets and iPhone applications.

If you're like me, you never remember to count and end up feeling like a delinquent kid who hasn't done their homework.

Within the first week, you face the unearthly properties and quantity of meconium with the same shock as a Viking explorer and wonder why nobody warned you that such a cute little body could hold so much bad stuff.

Then you get down to the business of having a newborn. You go through the endless daily cycle of care (eat, sleep, change) and wonder if it will ever end.

If your baby's like one of mine, you agonize over the definition of words like "frothy" and "green" and spend hours online researching things like lactose overload. You may quiz your partner on their perception of colour ("Would you say this is dark green or more yellowy-green?") and even take a "soiled" diaper into your health care professional to show them a sample.

Nobody can help except to say things years later like, "Oh, maybe it was starvation stool."

Then the baby gets a bit older and things get better. True, the transition to solid foods isn't pretty but chances are, you read enough to know that "sweet-smelling" changes to "evacuate the house" pretty quickly.

You become insensitive to the presence of poop and cleaning it from unusual locations, such as toes, baby baths and your sister's elbow. You may have once found a fossil on the floor in your daughter's room but you don't tell anyone, since that is so gross.

Along the way, you'll probably encounter blockages. This is where we are now and it's a daily battle. I can't really find anything other than the normal, bland advice (feed your baby more fruit!) and Nathan's diet is on the verge of becoming 100% prunes.

(Just read one guy I like who seems like an old-school doc. Not sure about the corn syrup stuff but interesting that increased fluids don't help.)

The good news is, it gives you another excuse for fussy behaviour ("Oh, maybe he's crying right now because of teething OR constipation.")

And then once you get into toddler years, things become a lot more real. I'm not going to say anything else, other than I'm sad I can never eat blueberries again.

The next step, of course, is potty training. I haven't gone there yet, since I'm waiting for a time when things have calmed down a bit and I feel ready to tackle that battle of the wills with my gal.

She may still use diapers when she's 5.