A breakdown, a bath, some rolling and finally, some mamas

I have nothing positive to say, which I think means I'm supposed to say nothing at all.

But then there'd be no blog posts, would there?

My life is filled with crying. Sometimes there is laughing and cooing and talking and smiling and tickling but very often, there is crying.

The past few days, the nights have been as bad as ever and Nathan's even fussing a lot during the days now.

It's making me crazy. Like, really crazy.

I tried to have a breakdown yesterday but it didn't really work out as planned.

After hours of rocking Nathan to sleep, only to have him wake up and start crying 10 mins after being put in the swing ... I snapped.

I decided that I am ingesting some mysterious substance (milk products? caffeine? chocolate? red dye?) that is causing him misery. The only thing I could think to do was give him a bottle of formula to see if it helped. We would order pizza for dinner, drink a beer and (because Nathan would be so relaxed and sleeping) maybe even watch a movie.

Well, we did order pizza and I did drink a bit of beer but the bottle of milk approach was a bust. I tried to introduce the bottle by following all the tips I'd read (use breastmilk, use motion, let baby play around with it a bit) but Nathan would have none of it. As far as he was concerned, a bottle is just a milk-filled pacifier and all pacifiers are evil and must be spit out immediately.

So we didn't get a chance to pump him full of formula, as hoped, and spent the evening instead taking turns with a screaming baby. For a change.

I was so upset that I finally had to just walk out of the house at one point.

I truly believe that time will heal this problem and that it will be better by four months of age (two weeks from today). But I really don't know how we're going to live that long.

This morning I decided to try and only get through today and not worry about how we're going to cope longer than that. I also decided to cut out caffeine and milk again, just in the long shot that it would help even a small amount.

And if none of that is working a week from now, go on a total elimination diet. And if none of that is working two weeks from now, ask my parents take Mela out of town and just drop everything so we can devote 100% of our attention to try and experiment with all different options to try and deal with this problem.

Because I can not accept the idea that there's nothing we can do.

In some refreshingly good news, Nathan rolled over today!! I was so shocked. I set him on his back on a blanket on the living room floor and went into the kitchen to get a drink.

When I came back, he was on his stomach. My first thought was, "Who moved Nathan?" I couldn't believe he did it himself!

He's done it three times since and I'm so proud. I can't remember exactly how old Mela was when she rolled but I'm sure she was much older.

Nathan does get a lot more exercise (i.e. time alone on a blanket) than she did, that's for sure.

Here are some pics of the happy times:

Still loves the cheesy smile (her bangs are long enough now to go in the pigtails!):
Bath time:
Nathan is punch-drunk from lack of sleep and thinks Mom's jokes are HILARIOUS!
Yeah, I can get my hand in my mouth now ... what's the big deal?
The Big Boy is happy in the mornings:
Nathan rolls!
For those who don't believe that we have anything other than a happy smiley baby, here is proof. And it's a record for me in the future to remember what our evenings were really like.



And here's the proof that, despite it all, it's worth it:

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