Mama Meltdowns, Teething Tots & Dad's Day

[Pictures are at the bottom if you don't want to read through the senseless ramblings of an overwrought housewife...]

It's so easy to be a good parent "in theory."

In theory, I was going to be a great mom. I love childrens' books and crafts and making homemade popsicles and teaching a kid the alphabet and how to ride a trike. I'd make pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse and hand puppets from old socks and we'd dress up and play in gutters filled with rain for hours.

I was going to be awesome.

Fast-forward two children and now I'd settle for "can get through the day."

I'm not sure what I expected the toddler years to be like but I at least thought my coping skills would be better. I look at blogs of other moms who only have one kid and see them happily frolicking in the sunshine and it just makes me feel worn out and tired.

Things here were hard this week. Amazing how it can turn on a dime like that. I've decided it's the holy trinity of household disaster:

1. teething toddler
2. teething/developmentally challenged baby (forget about crawling, let's learn to stand!!!)
   
3. tired Mama

When I heard people say that you should ideally wait 2-3 years between kids, I thought it was so the older one could tie their shoes and be out of diapers. Dur, I never thought about the overlapping teething thing.

And I've been soooo spoiled until now! Such a sweet, cheery little girl who almost never throws a tantrum or has a meltdown, compared to kids her age.

But now, in the blink of a couple days, I'm questioning my entire role as a parent.

Before I had kids, I thought I'd be pretty tough (e.g. spanking was an effective discipline technique). Mostly because that's the way I was raised and I really believed in the importance of setting limits and having consequences.

Then I had Amelia and my brain exploded and I was horrified at the thought of anyone ever yelling in anger or striking their child.

And now.

My brain still believes in the Case Against Spanking but after driving in the car on the highway, in the rain, for an hour and a half yesterday, with a toddler who kept having meltdown after meltdown, shrieking over every little thing (and waking up her baby brother who.had.JUST.fallen.asleep) ...

I started to wonder.

Am I spoiling my child? And is the stress of catering to a spoiled child making things harder for everyone in the end than a little bit of tough love?

According to thinking today, the modern, evolved parent puts in the time and effort and is loving and patient and attached and rational and calm. They understand the developmental stages and uses a variety of techniques (modeling, coaching, life litany, etc).

And I can be that parent. For days at a time. For weeks, when things are good. Or even an entire day straight of meltdowns.

But eventually, I start to lose it. My brain just can't function anymore and my nerves are frayed and I try the deep-breathing and counting and rational thought and everything but suddenly, I don't want to be calm. I WANT to lose it, because I've had it, too (just like she has). I want to yell at my child, both because she is clearly testing limits and because I need the release.

I know that losing your temper isn't the most effective discipline but maybe sometimes parents aren't perfect and need that stress relief. Maybe sometimes Mama's need meltdowns, too.

Not that it really helps anything, though. In fact, it usually just escalates the situation.

And that's how something mundane, like the brushing of teeth (usually quite calm and fun), can turn into a horror show of toddler shrieking "NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!" and Mama yelling, "OPEN YOUR MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" over and over again.

Very civilized.

Update: At last I know the definite cause of the chaos! I bribed Mela today to be able to see in her mouth today and saw the outline of a big old molar. Hooray! She's not possessed by the devil!

And my darling Nate was good as gold today and when I looked in his mouth, to check the progress of his first tooth, I saw that #2 is coming in right beside it, fast and furious! I guess that's what you get when you go 10 months without a single tooth ...

I also got some great advice (use a lot of time outs) from a friend (C.Ross) which will actually help the toddler and the Mama cool down during the insanity. Should be interesting, I'll post the progress as it happens.

Finally, here are some pictures, including some family shots from Father's Day!

Say Click!

Lovin the crawling!
Let me pose for you in all my cuteness:
Just like grandma said, babies CAN feed themselves! (especially hungry hippos)Nate wears a barrette (and reminds us of another little baby we once knew):
Summer is officially here and our backyard is a little piece of heaven:
Nate chillin in the swing:
YOU! I point at YOU!
The best dads give big swings:
The happy family on Father's Day (apparently, Nathan is Daniel Craig):
Babies on a bench:
Bye!